Granny Buttons

Star chamber gathers with knives ready to clean up the L&L canal at Blackburn

A couple of unrelated stories in the news today:

‘Star chamber’ gathers, with knives ready - Financial Times

George Osborne this week starts the final phase of Whitehall’s biggest public spending purge in a generation, as he convenes the “star chamber” to begin signing off cuts of between 25-40 per cent for most departments.

... Caroline Spelman, environment secretary, may operate below the political radar most of the time, but the Treasury has marked her out as one of the stars of the public spending review, writes Jim Pickard.

Ms Spelman is ... likely to cut grants to British Waterways, telling the body to generate more income from its canal-side property estate.

I said these were two unrelated stories.  Here's the second one:

Vandals and fly-tippers spoil the canal - BBC Lancashire  

Vandals have caused mayhem at the L&L Canal on the outskirts of Blackburn.  It doesn't sound too hopeful that the stretch will be cleaned up any time soon.

... British Waterways has very limited funds and resources to tidy up the mess caused by vandals and fly-tipping.

This seems an ideal opportunity for two things:

1:  Whitehall should make canal cleanups the official responsibility of local authorities (removing not just the budget but the responsibility from British Waterways).

2:  The good citizens of Blackburn (as opposed to their yob neighbours) should start organising their own cleanups.  They shouldn't wait for permission from BW.  They should just ignore any finger-wagging and form-filling demands, jump into the mud and start forking the damn stuff out.

If  you want tips on how to do it, read my 2006 posts, Canal clean-ups - UK and US style and the follow-up Lowell Canal clean-up.

It's the before-after story in 2006 of a group of irritated Massachusetts residents who cleaned up their dirty, smelly canal and just ignored officials who told them not to. 

Oxford nurse in canal reminds me of Granny Buttons

What strikes me in so many of canal stories is the parallels with my own life. 

Over the weekend the Oxford Mail published the background to the unfortunate lady, under the title Body in canal was ex-nurse:

A woman found dead in the Oxford Canal was a college nurse who had only just retired.

Yesterday tributes were paid to Helen Brough, who had worked at Brasenose and Merton colleges as a nurse for two decades before her retirement earlier this year.

... Merton College sub-warden Dr Steven Gunn paid tribute to Mrs Brough. He said: ... “She served the college devotedly as college nurse for 20 years until her retirement earlier this year, and was a great support to many students and staff.”

Mrs Brough, who also acted as advisor to women, was the first point of call for any student who was unwell.

'College nurse' - this is exactly what my mother - the original 'Granny Buttons' - was in her last job, although in her case it was at Cambridge University, back in the 1970s-80s.

I remember my mother telling me about one particular girl student who came to her in tears after the tabloid press stalked the poor girl over an alleged romance with a royal, and my mother had to comfort her.  Mother loved her time at the college, helping the students.

The picture of the lady in the Oxford Mail sort of resembles my mother, which is another coincidence.  (Where's my picture of the original Granny Buttons?  It's somewhere here on the blog, but searching Granny Buttons for Granny Buttons is like hunting for a straw in a mattress.)

And like the unfortunate lady in the Oxford Canal story, my mama died suddenly and did not live long to enjoy her retirement.  Which was not just sad for our bereavement, but because she considered the University pension arrangements another important part of her job, ready to look after her into a long, long old age.  Which wasn't to be.

(This is one reason why I'm not hot on pensions.  My boat and this blog is the closed to a pension that I have.  I never gamble willingly, and I can't bear to be on the losing end of life's lottery.)

BUT:

Are you not as irritated as I am by the reference in the press to the lady as elderly?  She was only 63, and Granny was only 65, when they passed away, both far too early. I wouldn't mind betting that the average new-build narrowboat is commissioned by people far older. 

Indeed, Terry Darlington was older than that when he set out on his cross-channel voyage that ended in Narrow Dog To Carcassonne.  And he's still actively boating nearly ten years later.

See also: 62 is the new Mix96

IWA Festival blog is news to me

I've been banging on for years about how any organisation should have a blog, and how single events can benefit from them. 

So I was surprised and embarrassed to learn not only that there's a blog for this weekend's IWA Festival, but that I didn't know about it. 

It's on iwafestival.blogspot.com.

The blog is not official, but it's put together on site by Bruce of Sanity Again, who is also doing a daily newssheet at the show. 

Bruce had mentioned the IWA Festival on his own boat blog, but I'd not been following that recently.  I've only read his twitter stream - @bruceinsanity - which hadn't mentioned the festival blog.

Of course, as the Festival now folds its tents this afternoon and slinks away from Beale Park, this is all academic anyway. 

However, there are useful things to learn on Bruce's Festival blog about how they did setup, for those who'll be doing it for the first time next year.

Oxford Canal boaters kept in the dark and fed Shipton's Bridge

Boaters in jam after woman's body found - Oxford Mail

Last week a 2-mile stretch of the Oxford Canal centered around Shipton's Bridge near Oxford was closed by police for a day after the body of a woman was found nearby.

In the city of Inspector Morse I suppose one more mysteriously dead body scarcely shows on the local radar, so the Oxford Mail had a good extra angle to the story.  Which was: The canal boaters' exasperation at being delayed without being told why:

Hundreds of boaters were left stranded for more than 24 hours after a woman’s body was found in the Oxford Canal.

Police were called to the canal at Shipton-on- Cherwell, north of Kidlington, at about 11am on Tuesday after boaters saw the body in the water.

The canal was then sealed off until early yesterday morning, forcing people to moor up at locks, causing long delays on one of Britain’s busiest waterways.

It's unfortunate that this came just three days before the annual IWA Festival on the Thames, and at least some of the boats must have been itching to get to the Festival site at Beale Park, three days distant.

Indeed, I would have been there too, had I not been delayed at Banbury.

Both Maffi and Bones reported a lot of irritation amongst boaters at the delay.  Bones said:

One boat broke the police cordon which I thought was a shame, but then aggression and misunderstanding seems to be on the up amongst boaters.

Maffi, as usual, focused on his monomania:

With so many boats waiting to get through to the IWA festival and many hire boats waiting to go the other way back to base, bubbling wash is the norm as they speed along the canal hurrying to join the already long queue at the lock. I have already been hit a few times by private boaters and saw a hire boater bounce off others.

Yes I know the body has caused hold ups but the rules of the waterway still apply. Speeding boats damage the canal, damage the wildlife and make life unpleasant for others. There is no need to speed.

I found this surprising, because I'd have thought Maffi's own run-in with the local police earlier this year might have given him a little extra sympathy (or at least understanding) for the delayed boaters. 

By all accounts boaters were told little or nothing by the Kidlington police, least of all the reason why the police felt it important to close two miles of canal. 

Personally I can understand the canaller's frustration.  It wouldn't have been simply with the purpose of the delay, but with the uncertainty - that is, with not knowing how long it might be, and with no regular updates coming in from the police.  Would they miss the Festival and/or have to cut their holiday short?

Perhaps if a sweet, fragrant and smiling lady policewoman were to come along and explain the reason, and give a quick, regular patrol of the section - along with an explanation of standard police procedures - the trapped boaters might have been a little more understanding. 

Never underestimate the power of a smiling policewoman.  In the 1970s Roger McGough wrote a lovely poem called WPC Marjorie Cox, which ended:

Men queue to loiter with intent
For the pleasure of an hour spent
In her sweet custody.

Of course, the same applies to a smiling policeman, but even by Maffi's testimony you don't get many of those in Kidlington!

But in the new cash-strapped we're-all-in-this-together Big Society, what's needed on the canals is unpaid volunteers to take on this smiling, patrolling role and keep people informed as to what splendid progress the police are making and report boaters who won't . 

1930s Germany developed a good model structure for this, in the gauleiter and his voluntary subordinates, who would explain to locals what progress the police were making and how the populace were expected to behave during their investigations.

Do you know any such boaters on the southern Oxford Canal who would gladly help out on such occasions?

Farmers not a bit craven on the Leeds & Liverpool Canal

Farmers call for action over Leeds-Liverpool Canal leaks - Craven Herald

Craven farmers have slammed British Waterways for failing to repair leaks in the canal and endangering the livelihoods of businesses.

I love the slightly self-contradictory nature of the opening sentence of this article.  If they were truly 'craven', they would hardly have the courage to 'slam' BW, would they?

(People in Craven must get very bored with this joke.)

The story says that farmers on the tortuous section of the Leeds & Liverpool Canal from Gargrave to Barnoldswick [Google Maps link] are enduring flooded fields, and that BW isn't putting enough money into maintenance of the 200-year-old canal.

“On one farmer’s land alone there are more than 20 leaks, ranging from seepages resulting in permanent soft land unable to bear the weight of agricultural machinery to flowing streams losing thousands of gallons of water every day,” said Mr Pilling.

“There are knee-deep bogs. Some have required livestock to be pulled out of them by tractors. All of this leads to large areas of good farmland becoming unproductive and in multiple cases unusable and dangerous.

Well, with BW's budget strained to bursting (like many of the canals) it seems unlikely that their complaints will be answered constructively.

What's needed is a little lateral thinking.  Instead of having to pull cattle and tractors out of bogs, why not shift to other forms of farming? 

Rice enjoys a good wallow in the mud, and other arable crops soak up vast quantities of water.  If BW could charge the farmers a 'licence to abstract' the water, that would earn them an extra revenue stream.  So to speak.

Indeed, many farmers - especially in the Midlands - cast covetous eyes on canal water, and official abstraction licences have to be authorised by the Environment Agency and displayed on the pumps.

I don't know how much farmers pay for these licences, but they'd better not be cheap.  BW needs the money.

(Oh, stop presenting counter-arguments!  This is a thought experiment.) 

Of course, the weather has been so changeable in recent weeks that this story can be misleading.  The L&L summit experienced the driest winter and spring in years, and yet now they have one of the wettest summers.

I wonder how much the L&L farmers were complaining about the leaks during the dry period last spring?

(Update: Here's another viewpoint on farmers by the L&L Canal from Meat Trade Daily.)

IWA Festival 2010

I'm off to the annual IWA Festival at Beale Park today. 

I'm starting new job next week, and hopefully I can start talking about it at the show.

I've never been to Beale Park, but it's the second time they've held the annual Festival there in recent years, so something must appeal about this venue for waterways festival organisers. 

But I've never found the Thames particularly friendly to narrowboats, my personal passion. 

In addition, I really like industrial and commercial skylines, and last year's festival at Redhill had that impressive backdrop of the massive Ratcliffe-on-Soar power station. 

However, on the human scale I'm sure the Festival will cross the years, and many things won't change.

(Apart from the ridiculous and ever-tightening over-precaution of Health & Safety regulations.)

Blue Lias pub has no wifi (as if that's all that matters)

The Blue Lias pub, at the bottom of the Stockton lock flight on the northern Grand Union, has one of the most delightful settings of any pub on the canals.

In the picture here, you can just see Granny Buttons on the far left, on the Friday night a week or so ago, nestling under the tousled row of willows.

I love that manicured lawn, and the cared-for garden - quite green considering the lack of rain in recent weeks - and the little children's play area with climbing frame (on which I'm standing to get the raised viewpoint).

I last came this way four years ago, but it was a waypoint for Dutch Spall's Folk On The Water tour earlier this year, and must have been a great setting for a concert.  Assuming the weather held up, of course.

There was no one outside when I arrived last week, although it was moderately busy inside.  One day I'll come back here when it's actually got customers.

No mobile signal at the Blue Lias.  None to speak of, anyway - neither from O2 (my phone) or Three (my mobile broadband). 

Inside, I asked about internet access so I could get online.  Apparently the landlord was upstairs, and it was clear from my handset that he had his own private BT wifi.  I asked the staff if they'd ask him if he would share it with customers, but they seemed uneasy about interrupting him. 

Another boat behind me was adjusting its moorings in order to get a good satellite signal so the lady aboard didn't miss Masterchef.   I wouldn't mind betting the Blue Lias' landlord and his wife were settling in to do the same and had left strict instructions.

Oh well.  I walked up Stockton Locks with my laptop to The Boat Inn by Stockton Marina, had a drink and a meal, and got online there instead.

The next morning I tracked down the landlord of the Blue Lias in the snug bar, and he seemed receptive to opening his wifi up to boaters, but immediately said he was ignorant of technology matters and left it to a young barman to listen to me. 

Hopefully the young man can translate my hi-tech prolix into understandable English for him later.

By the way, if he does allow you to use it, the only practicable spot is on the tables and canalside as shown below.  The signal from upstairs doesn't easily reach into the labyrinthine downstairs bars.

Kirkles Council's cicyle leaflet

Kirklees Council misspells own name 20 times on cycle maps - Metro (and half-a-dozen other sources at last count.)

Does anyone actually read all those leaflets you see at tourist centres and in hotels and pubs?   That's a question I ask a lot. 

I've had to write and proofread a few of those leaflets myself in the past and each time I've finished one I've wondered if I would be the last person to read it through.

Says the Metro article:

Kirklees Council in West Yorkshire has been forced to recall 7,000 cycle maps after printing it with over 50 spelling mistakes - including misspelling its own name 20 times.

Well, now Kirklees Council has produced one that's likely to be read from start to stop, from headline to acknowledgments. This is the official council leaflet that covers towpaths on the canals in the the Huddersfield area - from Standedge Tunnel up to the Calder and Hebble navigation.  The area it covers is here.

It's a pity they pulped the map.  They could have sold it as a collectors' item, to help pay for the reprint.  I'd have paid a quid for a copy. So would you, probably.

The Sun's version of the story is probably the best, as it shows a snippet of the original leaflet:

 

The Kirklees Bike Users Group news page, which might have been expected to mention it, hasn't been updated for six weeks. 

They probably think this story is bad or negative news.  It's NOT.  Hey, guys, you should be making hay on this story!

If only the KBUG was clued up, they'd now have the revised version online to capitalise on this story (and even the older version as a ha-ha-oops) but I think they are too busy being defensive about the 'fallout'.  I've asked the council for a link to the new leaflet when it comes out.

In the meantime, here's their PDF leaflet download page, where I presume it will be in due course.

And below is a picture of cyclists alongside Granny on the Stratford-upon-Avon Canal, to keep this post vaguely relevant and waterways-related, if not quite in the right area.  The Stratford towpath is generally excellent.

I try to do original research for most of my posts, and today I rang both Kirklees Council and Sustrans.   I was interested to hear that Sustran's media office hadn't heard of the story, and they simply put me through to their own publications dept.

I also tried emailing

    [email protected]

but it seems British Waterways hasn't yet registered this domain.

The Wharf Inn, Fenny Compton

The summit of the Oxford Canal is a lonely meander of a dozen miles between Napton and Claydon, and the last time I came this way, four years ago, I remember running out of provisions. 

Last weekend when stopping at Fenny Compton I was impressed with the way the new landlords of The Wharf Inn at Fenny Compton have made an effort to reach out to boaters. 

You can now buy propane gas here, and make use of a launderette as you fill up at the water point. 

They've also opened a little provisions shop, for so many of the little things boaters need - some of the stock-in-trade piled up unshelved, as if in Aladdin's Cave. 

I think one weakness of the store is the lack of prepared chilled/frozen meals and beers/wines to take away.  This would be qute useful for boaters, who normally have a well-equipped kitchen aboard.  Maybe they don't do it because it would reduce your inclination to stay for dinner. (Here's the menu.)

But even if you don't stay for dinner , one personal reason for me to stay is that they do Stowford Press (a real cider) on draft.

And another is that they provide fast, free wifi for patrons - hooray! 

An especially unusual feature of this pub is the Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pigs they recently installed in a new sty at the bottom of the garden.  These animals are surely the ugliest of domesticated creatures  and the sound of their sporadic grunts matches the inelegance of their bodies and the unsightliness of their faces.  How can you fail to love them!

I thought at first that the pigs were fresh produced, being fattened for slaughter, but a sign suggests they are being kept as pets.  I mean, whoever heard of a pig being slimmed down for slaughter?

The Wharf is a very popular stop for those who've just traversed the winding summit, and deservedly so.

One other thing has changed markedly at the Wharf Inn since I last came this way:  The new owners have started to encourage ivy Virginia Creeper up the walls. 

Compare the scene last weekend in the late afternoon:

... with the same view four years ago, in August 2006, as dusk fell:

See, in the upper picture, where the ivy Virginia Creeper is now creeping over the sides?  Ivy has rather gone out of fashion in recent years, partly because it can prise the mortar of of the brickwork and needs regulary maintenance.  It's unusual to see it return, but the effect can be quite charming, if managed well.

But it really must be managed.  Already it's getting a bit out of hand at the front of the Inn, and starting to obscure the upstairs windows.

[Update:  I stand corrected by Martin in the comments below.  It's actually Virginia Creeper in the picture, although the owners do point out that ivy is growing elsewhere on the building, and there's also wisteria at the front.  And while it won't necessarily damage the building as it grows, actually trying to remove it can sometimes do damage.]

(See The Hair Of The Dog for the canine equivalent.)

The Mill Arts Centre, Banbury, gives amazingly fast free wifi for customers

Granny is close to Tooley's boatyard in Banbury this week.  And tonight I'm in the bar of the nearby The Mill Arts Centre, writing this.

If you come to Banbury by boat and you want to get online, The Mill Arts Centre's bar is THE place to come. 

Not only do they offer free wifi for patrons but it's astonishingly fast - the fastest wifi I've ever encountered.  I'm currently downloading over 9mb/sec!

It turns out that the Centre, funded by the town's council, has a fibre-optic connection.

Ask for a login code.  When you log on, you first get the Mill Art Centre's home page, which lists all upcoming events.  I don't know why more businesses don't do this - it's terrifically good publicity. 

Oh, did I mention that the place also does theatre, comedy, dance, exhibitions, crafts, etc?   In addition to drinks and coffee.  (Just in case you happen to need something more than just wifi - unlikely, I know)

The Centre, by the way, is somewhere where you might see the bizarre Mr Fuggles, the mute puppet whose eyes speak volumes - as seen on Charlie Brooker's TV series You have been watching.  He's "the four-year-old with the mind of a one-year-old."

Ask puppeteer (and the Mill's regular duty manager) Tim Jones for details.

Touch FM 107.3FM tries a narrowboat radio studio

The Breakfast Boat is an interesting experiment from local Warwick & Leamington radio station Touch FM 107.3FM.

The station's breakfast show presenters Ben Day and Louise Allen have been taking a narrowboat from Warwick to Stratford and back, and broadcasting direct from the boat as a studio.

They call it 'The boat that chugged' (har har), and it's an interesting idea.  Can you run a modern radio station from a moving narrowboat?  Well, clearly you can, since they manage it, but I'd be interested to know how.  There are certain regular boaters who work in broadcasting and could explain how it's done.  (Halfie?) 

I listen to BBC Radios 4,  2 and 3, and Classic FM  (in that order) and as I move around the country I tend not to tune in to local independent stations.  A matter of practicality and habit, rather than preference. 

I came upon this story a little late - it would have been interesting to have held up my Stratford Canal trip to meet them.

'The boat that chugged' is broadcasting 6-9am, a bit early for night-owls like me.

Tonight (Wednesday night) they are going bat-spotting in Shrewley Tunnel.   Tomorrow they'll be descending Hatton Locks - presumably after they do their breakfast show. 

I'm sure it's a lot more interesting than I've made it sound here.  My apologies.  But the idea of having a roving radio station sounds promising and I wish I'd known about it in advance.

Preston Bagot snap

No sooner had I posted yesterday about Granny reflected in  the windows of Preston Bagot lock cottage ...

... than Graham of Jannock emailed this photo and said "Snap!"

Graham doesn't say when his photograph was taken, and the picture's embedded data gives no clue.  No matter, I see the makings of a game in this.  Or even a narrowboat picture gallery.

Perhaps the owner of Preston Bagot lock cottage, can be persuaded (before he sells) to replace the quartered windows with complete mirrors - to give us a better view of our boats too?   

A photography tip for boaters: Move closer to the window when you photograph your boat.  You can capture more of the the boat, and perhaps the delightful amphitheatre of trees behind you.

A downside (especially at dusk or when the lights are on in the the rooms behind the glass) is that you might accidentally catch the occupants glowering at you for violating their privacy.

Lock cottages with mirror windows look like empty facades

You know that Stratford-upon-Avon Canal 'barrel' lock cottage at Preston Bagot that I mentioned that was up for sale last week?

The brochure's now online.

And it looks very elegant.  I was going to say that stupid word 'stunning', but managed to stop myself in time (OK, 'stunning' sneaked in by default, forgive me.)

While the photos would make a creditable spread in Hello magazine ("Tony and Joyce welcome you into their gorgeous lockside home"), the brochure could do with a bit of copywriting, although I say so myself. 

It's a lovely house, the acme of pocket luxury.  Were the original lengthsman occupant to return he would  be scratching his head as to what happened to his old home. 

But here's what the new owner should do:   Scrap those ghastly reflective windows.

The brochure presents this as a benefit:

All the windows are one-way viewing so we can watch the world pass by without losing our privacy, says Tony.

Lockside house owners sometimes introduce these coated windows, in the mistaken belief that they are entitled to complete privacy. 

(No they are not!  If you want to live in a lock cottage on a 200 year old canal, you should no more hide from boats than the boats hide from you.  If  you wanted privacy, you shouldn't have chosen a lock cottage.) 

The effect they give is that, far from being tools for 'privacy', the mirror windows are allowing the house occupants themselves to spy on boaters and walkers passing by.

Such windows 'distance' the house from the canal, making the building seem emptier, more soulless.  It feels creepy.  It says "There's nothing behind these windows.  This is a movie set.  You are not welcome here, boater.  Go away.  Now!"

The Preston Bagot house isn't the only one to do this.  Another offender is Tardebigge Top Lock cottage, which I wrote about last January (see 'One Way Mirror at Tardebigge Locks').

The whole effect is quite sterile and empty, in my view.  Where's the charm, where's the ... well, perhaps the curtains, or at least the Nottingham Lace?   Criminy, even net curtains would be an improvement, I'd say.

Cowherdly puns hide the real story of the Aynho lift bridge replacement

New canal bridge moo-ves in - Banbury Cake

Dear me, I bet the sub-editor and journalist will wake up with horror at 3am in years to come at the cub-reporting puns in this story about the restitution of Belcher's Bridge near Aynho:

A farmer and his herd of cows will now be able to go where ‘udders’ cannot follow after a £200,00 bridge was installed just for them.

The story spends far too much time emphasising the cost of the project.  And British Waterways spends too much time in trying to justify the project in terms of 'investment in the waterways'. 

They should, instead be exploring the interesting historical story of these 'accommodation bridges'.

The cost of the project was picked up by British Waterways, who defended the move saying it was part and parcel of maintaining the country’s canals and rivers.

Spokesman Sarah Rudy said: “£200,000 does seem like a lot of money but this just reflects the true cost of maintaining and restoring heritage structures along a 200-year-old canal.

“We invest all our income back into maintaining our canal and rivers and lift bridges on the canal are one the well known features of the canal which we want to be able to maintain and restore for future generations.

“This particular bridge is a Grade II listed structure and we do have a duty to re instate access for the farmer to his fields.”

The story of how the canals came to be built, and the 'accommodation' the builders had to make to landowners, is perhaps the most fascinating parts of their history, but is little dwelt-on.

It's perhaps just as well that the Banbury Cake story didn't draw attention to Canalplan's point that "This is a lift bridge that is usually left open".

If the bridge is usually left open, the immediate impression of the reader would be 'why bother to replace it?'

With this story's focus on the £200,000 cost, and BW parroting their standard PR line of "investing all our income back into maintaining our canals and rivers", I'm not surprised that "the farmer declined to comment.

(I haven't got a picture of Belcher's Bridge (No. 189), unfortunately, so the pictures here are of Bridge 173, closer to Banbury. If you've already commented that it's not the right bridge, you've clearly not read to the bottom of this post!)

Update: Paul Balmer has a whole bunch of his own photos of the fitting of bridge 189 on his blog here.  As Paul is an engineer himself, his description of the installation of the bridge is usefully detailed.