As I was saying a couple of weeks ago, I'm impressed by quite a few canal blogs. And often for very different reasons.
I love the tone of Victor-Meldrewish exasperation cultivated by 'Maffi', who blogs as Aardvarks & Maffi's Boat.
I'm not quite sure why - I don't normally like to read angry writing - but Maffi just sparkles for me when he gets grumpy. He just excels at ... oh, I don't know what, distemper? He's brilliant at it!
I first wrote about his blog in my post Maffi Mushkila in Feb 2006 (when he was still working in Saudi Arabia and had already commissioned the boatbuild but couldn't decide on a name.)
Deciding on his boat name could have been the least of his problems, though. His January 2006 post, Time to go, was so larded with irritation about The Kingdom that he was probably lucky it wasn't spotted by Saudi zealots. (I warned him at the time to be careful and I think he removed one or two risky bits. Never mind, he's safe now.)
Four years on, and he's lost none of his vim, as the following excerpt from his post last week, Day 6 Kingston, shows. He'd moored the boat at Kingston-upon-Thames and was shopping in John Lewis:
ME: Excuse me, where might I find the restaurant?
STAFF: Oh you want the place to eat ...
ME: I know what I want, that is why I asked for the restaurant.
STAFF: No it is called the place to eat
ME: No it is called a restaurant, its definition is 'a place to eat'.
STAFF: yes sir but ...
ME: Don't 'yes sir' me, young lady. I have a degree in talking bollox, and if I say it's called a restaurant you can bank on me being right.
STAFF: but ...
ME: doesn't matter, I am 'not in an eating phase' anymore.
STAFF: Oh, you're not hungry.
ME: well done, you're getting the hang of it now.
... I eventually got my cover but could not get a 13.5 tog duvet in the value range. They only had 4.5 and 10.5. I asked, and was told they don't do 13.5 anymore. So I asked if poor people were not allowed to be warm. To which I was told I should sew one of each together. I pointed out that sewing was women's work and that 10.5 and 4.5 equals 15.
... I told him I didn't like the shop and if it was a proper shop and not a design exercise it would have cost only 30 quid and not 47.50. He agreed. On the way out I stopped in the menswear department looking for a chunky winter jumper with no zip or buttons. No chance! I went home with my overpriced cover. If you can't walk very far this is not a good store.
Hey, Maffi, can you put up an archive index so we can read the old stuff? I only found the 'Time to go' post because I'd linked to one or two of your old posts.
lol -funny man!
Posted by: Martin Ward | Thursday, 29 October 2009 at 02:02 PM
Duck Andy!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Maffi | Wednesday, 28 October 2009 at 10:32 PM