Granny Buttons

You might not be the only one waiting for your boat licence

 

If you are waiting for the BW Craft Licensing Office to process your canal boat licence renewal you might not be the only one.

When I was returning from Walsall earlier this month, I passed the narrowboat of a certain nationally known businessman.  He wasn't aboard, and I was sorry to miss him, as I've long hoped to meet him.

There were pleading hand-scrawled signs in his window.  One (undated, but covering an expired licence) said:

NEW FULL LICENCE
APPLIED + PAID
FOR WAITING FOR
IT IN POST
ANY PROBS
07 . . . . . . . . . . . .

(I blanked out the phone number)

The other, similar in tone, was dated April 30th, five weeks before I took these photos.

Who is he?  Let's just say he was given a handsome profile in a national newspaper today and is somewhat in the news. :-)

It takes me back to my problems getting my licence renewed last year, when I'd lost my copy of the Boat Safety Certificate. 

Despite the Boat Safety office being happy to confirm (to anyone who rang them, even anonymously) that Granny actually had a safety certificate, the Craft Licensing Office next door refused to take my money until they had sight of it.   I thought this was ridiculous; after all, I don't have to show DVLA my MOT when I apply for a driving licence road tax - they just look up their records.  In the end  they backed down and nipped next door to check the records, but I didn't have a licence on my boat until nearly six months after it was due for renewal. 

Fallen tree on Rochdale Canal, Granny on way to remove it

A lady rang early this morning to tell me that a tree had fallen overnight and blocked the Rochdale Canal, at Walsden near Todmorden. 

It was a kind and helpful call, but in a tone that suggested I ought to sort it out. 

I was hugely flattered that I was the first person she thought to contact, as I've not been there since my trip nearly five  years ago.   I duly thanked her for being so diligent but said it was nothing to do with me, and she duly apologised and presumably went off to ring someone else in the Google search results instead.

Sometimes I don't know what surprises me most:  That Granny should pop up so prominently in web searches for obscure places, or that people still assume that because I've written about something, I'm therefore responsible for it.

Surely fallen trees across the Rochdale Canal are the responsibility of www.penninewaterways.co.uk?   Come on, Martin, get a move on!

Update today:  (what a coincidence)

Tree collapses into Derbyshire canal  - Derby Telegraph

A stretch of the Trent and Mersey canal has been closed after a large tree collapsed into the water, blocking the towpath.  The tree toppled into a section of the water at Weston on Trent at about 8.40am, forcing British Waterways to shut the canal until further notice.

This was a few minutes after the lady called me about the Rochdale Canal tree.  But it's out of the Pennine Waterways area, so I don't know which blogger or webmaster is responsible for clearing the Trent & Mersey tree.

Magazine covers start to look different

I often feel that special interest magazines - and especially canal and waterways publications -  tend to look much the same on the newsagents' shelves.

In the past few months I've noticed a difference in the recent editions of Canal Boat, but I couldn't put my finger on why.

I think I realise now.  It's not content, words or the choice of front cover picture.  It's the photo editing. 

Canal Boat has started to photoshop its cover photographs so that the dynamic range - the ratio between highlight and shadows - is much more gradual.   Almost like HDR (high dynamic range) photographs.

I'm not sure if this is done at the production stage, or if the photographers (often David Oakes, who took the one here, and also photographed Granny Buttons on the Jan 2001 issue) tweak the photo before they submit the photo.

In the past it - and hisitorically all canal magazines - have favoured the traditional high contrast, dark-shadowed canal pictures, which emphasise brilliant sunlight, often combined with almost navy-dark skies.

But what's best?  

To show you the difference, I've tweaked one of my own photos, of Granny Buttons at Perry Barr Top Lock a couple of weeks ago.

The upper version is the (more or less) original, while below I've reduced the harsh shadows somewhat.  I use ACDSee Pro, but most photo editors will happily lighten the shadows using a 'fill light' facility.

My own preference is for the less contrasty, pictures, but perhaps that's just because I dislike the harsh shadows that accompany brilliant sun and blue skies.  They make me squint, even though they are darker.

Someone once called my own photos 'filmic', because I process them so much to lighten the shadows and saturate the colours. (This is less accurate, but feels more picturesque to me.) 

I don't think it was meant as a criticism or a compliment, just an observation.

Britain's Got Heritage

Unesco names Pontcysyllte aqueduct as UK's latest World Heritage site - The Times (and many more)

UNESCO has granted World Heritage Site status to "The Pontcysyllte Aqueduct & Canal".  

As mentioned last week, I can't get excited by this.  These events are presented like a beauty pageant.

Or perhaps a more contemporary reference is Britain's Got Heritage.   Dozens of hopefuls come to the auditions, and a very few perform in front of the sleek and glossy judges, and pray they won't get three raspberries, so that they can get through to the UNESCO finals.

I can understand 'World Heritage Site' status for countries where structures or environments are under threat from ignorant savages (such as happened to the Bamiyan Buddhas in Afghanistan although a fat lot of good that did them), or from the desperation of impoverished people.  

But the way Britain's Got Heritage works is that we already know we have plenty worth preserving and we are trying to persuade ignorant UNESCO of the fact.   And we are forced to tone down the amount of heritage, in case the UN satraps don't believe us.

Regarding the official congratulatory picture (taken at the aqueduct), I'd like to see more mayors turning up for the end of successful Waterways Recovery Group working parties, perhaps celebrating by holding up pints of cider.

Waterscape blogs

Waterscape is experimenting with blogs by BW staff members:  Blogs on Waterscape.com 

I think this is a great move and sets a good example for other public corporations.

In any organisation it's tough to get going if it's imposed from the top.  That is, it's not enough for the boss to say "Right, you you and you, start blogging!"   There'll be one long, rambling article about nothing in particular, and then nothing at all thereafter. 

Instead, it's more about encouraging those staff who write good and sensible emails to be open with their thoughts.  If they've always been sensible (and literate) in their emails, they will probably be good bloggers.

Seven good guidelines when you are starting to blog:

1. Have something you want to say.  Don't just sit down and think "right, I need to do a blog today, what shall I write?"
2. Think of it as a memo to the boss.   Be positive: say how things could be better, don't say what's wrong.   If you do rant, give a positive flourish to the end.
3. Make the main point in the first paragraph.  In other words, if someone doesn't read beyond the first para, they should still come away with the gist.
4. Keep it short - no more than a screenful if possible.  As a rule of thumb, if readers need to scroll down to read it all, they probably won't bother. 
5. Add links; give people a reason to leave your site.  If you give good links , they'll come to rely on you and return to read you.   Link, link, link to stuff you like.
6. Try to keep on one subject.  Split different points into different posts.
7. A list of things (as here) always works well in a blog post.  People love lists.

You can break these rules when you are experienced and have developed your own voice, of course, but sticking to them will help in the early days.

[I've updated and expanded this post from its original pocket-sized version]  

Life at Falling Sands Lock Cottage, Staffs & Worcs Canal

I've received a lovely little memoir from David Godson of his childhood growing up in the lock cottage at Falling Sands Lock , near Kidderminster, on the Staffs & Worcester Canal.

Download it here.  (pdf)

This was mentioned last year, in my blog post: Tontine Hotel and Falling Sands Lock House.

An excerpt was originally published in the Stratford Canal Society newsletter, but you can now read the full version (circa 4,700 words). I think it's delightful. 

David was born in the cottage in WW2, and seem to have lived there for his first ten years or so.  Life there seems a rural idyll in reflection, but was probably very uncomfortable:

For a family of six the accommodations was cramped to say the least, with three small bedrooms upstairs and two slightly larger rooms below. In one of the downstairs rooms there was a large blackened cast iron range for cooking and heating water.

A typical scene on most Sunday evenings in winter would be a pot of pigs’ trotters and assorted vegetables casseroling over an open fire in the grate.

The Tilley Lantern (circa pre–War) would do its best to light the room; just enough that is to pick out the clotheshorse and large tin bath to be found in a corner recess. Whole shoulders and legs of pork wrapped in muslin would hang from hooks in the ceiling.

On a winter’s night you would receive little sympathy if it was your turn to ‘fetch the water’. Even ten minutes operating the cast iron hand pump situated fifty yards or so from the house, was not a welcoming prospect with only a Davey lamp for light. I still have that lamp to this day and it rarely fails to summon a slight shiver as winter nears.

I have since wondered the exact source of the well water. I just trust the river Stour, for which no amount of natural filtering would have helped, was not implicated. In any event in later years this water had need to be boiled before consumption, until eventually it afforded one of the main reasons for abandoning the property.

Falling Sands Lock now is quite empty and desolate.  The cottage was demolished over forty years ago,  and as with so many lost lock cottages, you wonder how something so large could fit in such a circumscribed area.  It feels like a pocket Ozymandias :

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that little wreck, bounded and bare,
The lone Falling Sands Lock holds empty testimony.

Thank Boke sign distracts from more important road sign above

 
Here's one of those 'think bike' [sic] road signs which I mentioned a couple of months ago in my post on NB Just The Job's motorbike storage rack.  This one is just outside St Neots, on the A428 to Cambridge, at the end of the layby (location here on Google Maps). 

As I mentioned before, when I glance at them I see 'Thank Boke'. 

Halfie says he sees Think Boke.    Someone told me it looks like Thonk Boke.   I wouldn't be surprised if someone else reads it as Thank Bake, or (rather more excitingly) Think Bonk. 

After all, there's only a split second to read it, and sure as hell no one sees the pictured motorbike (except for pedestrians and pedantic people like me who stop to photograph it).

What do you see?

I think it's a triumph of style over readability.  And it even manages to distract your attention from the sign above it, which is designed to warn motorists of an upcoming junction on the right. 

There's a growing number of these nanny signs on the roads.  They constantly urge you to wipe your own bottom, and you are so busy looking at them (and misinterpreting them) that you end up forgetting that you need a pee and you wet your pants instead.

Pontcysyllte Aqueduct's Got Talent

Pontcysyllte Aqueduct awaits heritage decision - BBC News

The nation holds its breath this weekend:

A panel of experts are meeting this week to decide whether an aqueduct near Wrexham is to be crowned one of the heritage "wonders" of the world.

The Pontcysyllte Aqueduct is the UK's only nomination to become a UNESCO world heritage site in 2009.

Look, I'm sorry, but the World Heritage Site thing from Unesco is a pile of self-important twaddle.

A bunch of government functionaries sit in pontification about what is valuable or not valuable to civilisation.  You have to gather all your reasons together, and lay the facts nervously at their feet, and step back and hold your breath and fidget with your cap in your hands.

And at the end, the man from Del Monte he say yes.   Or not.  And you bow obsequiously and accept that their decision is better than yours.

At the moment, according to Unesco, there are 868 places around the world which are considered the acme of civilisation.  Only 868!  What's taken this bunch of apparatchiks so long?  Haven't they been bribed enough?

Why does it take so long, and why do people have to present their case and nervously twiddle their caps before a bunch of strangers who know less about your wonder-of-the-world than you do yourself?

I mean, spot-listing of buildings to get them protected can be done in hours, or at least days.

Is your own neighbourhood a world heritage site?  Of course it is, if you think so, and if you can persuade just a few of your visitors.   You don't need Unesco.

The World Heritage Site system is just another way of saying Unesco's Got Talent.  It's got room on the stage for one or two new acts that make the audience whoop and whistle, but really it knows nothing.

The BBC website says:

'If successful, the aqueduct's name could stand alongside the Taj Mahal". 

Oh, gimme a break!  Thomas Telford's aqueduct  already stands alongside the Taj Mahal in one respect, and it will never stand alongside it in another - more important - respect.

The Ponty aqueduct was an engineering masterpiece, but the Taj Mahal is a testament of love by Shah Jehan for his wife.  Chalk and cheese.  What will survive of us is love. 

Whatever happened to that campaign that aimed to make the entire English canal system a world heritage site?  That didn't succeed, and thank heavens.

Debdale Lock Cottage

When I posted recently about the two BCN lock cottages being restored, I predicted 'there'll be another one along in a minute'. 

I've only just read Adam Porter's post (on his Debdale blog,on June 10th) about the restoration of Debdale Lock Cottage.

He writes:

At first, I thought the cottage at Debdale Lock was boarded up, but in fact it's being renovated. What a great place to live!

(Canalplan location here)

I just remembered, I wrote about this place  when it was for sale last year via the splendidly named estate agents Doolittle and Dalley.  I wrote at the time, "Don't dalley, do buy it." 

The particulars are still available as a PDF here, although the property's not listed for sale any more, so I guess it's been sold.

There aren't any interior pictures, but the optimistic estateagent-ese says ominously "scope to improve, with interesting layout", so heaven knows what's behind the boarded windows.

Baddie the Pirate sells 12v LED lighting for boats

The number of specialist services being supplied by narrowboat is multiplying geometrically. 

The latest is Sarah-May Matthews, aka Baddie the Pirate, whose particular speciality is LED lighting.   The number of LED suppliers is growing at last (still too slowly) but I've not heard of one who works from a boat before.

OK, I admit, I've fallen in love simply because of her alter ego toy-villainous name!

Everyone loves a cartoon baddie, so she was on a winner with her email pitch to me, what with her thick-sliced flattery:   

Dear Andrew - World renown expert on LEDs for canal boats  [sic]

I found you on the internet.  I have just started selling LEDs to boaters on our canal network, because it took me ages to find good LEDs for my narrowboat.  Once found I wanted to spread the word.

Please visit www.baddiethepirate.co.uk.

Hope you like it.

There you go, Sarah-May.  I hope you like my reply too.  

Granny has some small BC light fittings which eat electricity like starving children, and I'd love to replace them with something more frugal. 

The Baddie the Pirate product range is here.

Granny Buttons will be at Streethay Wharf for another week or so.  If I'm not there when you pass, could you leave my free samples under the cratch cover in the well deck?   Thanks!

This is the point where I have to make some sort of 'ooh, arrgghh'  joke, but I can't think of one, sorry.

Minworth Top Lock Cottage 'for sale' or simply refurbished?

The weekend after I learned about the Perry Barr lock cottage coming up for sale, I passed through Minworth Top Lock and noticed cottage No. 230 on the Birmingham & Fazeley Canal was also being refurbished.

It had the windows lightly and roughly 'whited out', with some casual builders' window graffiti written on the whiting from the inside.  This was obviously an invitation to peer through nosily. So I did. 

Like the Perry Barr cottage, it looked like it was nearly ready to put on the market.

It was Sunday lunchtime, so no information was available and no people around to ask. 

Anyway, if you are looking for a lock cottage it's worthwhile making enquiries.

With this one, though, you'll be under pressure to look after the cottage and maintain standards.

This is the lock/cottage which won BW's national Lock & Length awards for 2001, as the plaque above the front door records.  Was this cottage a BW employee's home at that time? 

Do BW still own this delightful little building and only provide it as tied cottages for their lock/lengthsman staff?   It would be nice if they did. 

If not, many of us would appreciate the chance to live there instead, wouldn't we?

Two in one day!  There'll surely be another cute little BCN refurbished lock cottage coming along in a minute. 

Google comes to stay

Although I'm not on Granny Buttons all the time, I consider it my home.  However, I'm always aboard NB Google, pretty much every day.  

But what if Google was to come and live me me instead?   This video explains what it's like to have Google share your home:

If that doesn't make you smile enough, try Episode 2.

Still not amused?  Try a video about living aboard canal boats instead - definitely without Google!

Smethwick Toll House burns down

Paul Balmer of Waterway Routes says on his blog that Smethwick Top Lock Toll House has burned down, presumably through vandalism.  How sad. 

His pictures show that the walls and chimney still stand, and it'll be restorable.   But it's severely vandalised.

I wrote two years ago about my encounter with children throwing stones at the roof of the Toll House.  It turned out they were simply trying to get their ball down from the roof, and they were good kids.)

But what are the few remaining BCN Octagonal Toll Houses really for?  A hundred years ago they served a purpose and were constantly busy.  Now they are just a vestige and don't really do anything. 

Smethwick Top Lock Toll House might work as a little shop, but that would be only useful during the summer.   It's too small to be a museum or a lock cottage, and what else could you do with it?

I wouldn't be averse to seeing it demolished, and that would be the cheaper option.  Just having it as vandal-bait seems pointless and expensive.

On the other hand, what about turning it into a little office?  Provided one could get electricity and broadband  inside, and an effective CCTV to deter yobs, many service-industry people might love the opportunity to work there.  Potential users might be architects or PR and media agencies, or any other desk- and computer-based jobs.

The same might apply to the various toll islands around the BCN, which were demolished once toll traffic disappeared after nationalisation. You could perhaps rebuild a few of those as cute little octagonal toll-island offices or cottages.

And yet, I wonder if the people who'd oppose the idea of demolishing the Smethwick Top Lock Toll House would also oppose the idea of rebuilding the Winson Green Junction Toll Island (below)?   There often comes the point where preservation is against the past, rather than being in favour of it.

Granny is changing domains registrars - fingers crossed!

I'm transferring my two main internet domains (grannybuttons.com for the website, and dumsday.com for email) to a cheaper host.

Now I'm sweating.  Is it going to work OK?   Or are both my email and blog going unaccountably offline together for a while?  So many things can fall between the cracks.

I was with Namesco, but they want £40 for two years' renewal - for each domain. 

So I opted for GoDaddy, because of their irresistibly cheesy advertising.  Oh, and because they only charge about one fifth the price of Namesco (including renewals) and have a 24hr phone helpline, which is a London number (not the costlier 0845 - even though they are based in Arizona).

I made the final decision to switch when I asked Namesco why the price for renewal was so high, and they said: 

The renewal rate for domain names is generally higher than the original purchase price to cover the additional administrative costs involved in the processing of renewals.

This felt such a disconnect to me. In what other field does keeping a customer cost several times more than gaining a new one? 

Namesco then told me it would cost a £10 surcharge per domain for the privilege of leaving, which only made me more determined to leave.  I felt not only overcharged, but through the nose - not least because I also buy my domestic broadband through them (£25/month/10gb, but last bill was £33 because I used 18gb).

Waterways link:  ABNB, my favourite canal boat broker.   I bought Granny Buttons through ABNB ten years ago, when the letters still referred to founder Andy Burnett. 

I then registered grannybuttons.com with SimplyNames, Namesco's predecessor.    (I've been with them ten years.)

A few months later,  when Andy was looking to register his own domain, I recommended that he use Simply/Namesco.   He did.  And like me, ABNB are still using them ten years later. 

Their domain is also soon up for renewal, and I suspect ABNB will accept the price and stay with Namesco, because the cost of a transfer going wrong (compared to a simple renewal) is too great for a small business to bear.