Granny Buttons

Another quiet week in Gloucester

Stay away from canal - Gloucester Citizen

A warning has been issued to students at Gloucester's state-of-the-art canal-side college to be careful near the water following an incident.

A male student at Gloucestershire College fell into the canal during a game of football last week.

The student wasn't injured, but the incident has prompted college chiefs to remind students to be careful.

Must have been a slow news day in Gloucester last week.  Or else Gloucester College students are effeminate wusses who need cossetting.

[Thanks to Hugh Conway-Jones for the news alert]

Renting grandchildren

I call myself 'Granny', but it's just a silly name and I'm a childless bachelor.

I thought of this when I was browsing back on No Problem, and rediscovered this wonderful post from July 30th of Sue and Vic of No Problem enjoying a true 'granny moment' with their grandchildren.

I love the photos of the kids excitedly looking at the barbecue, and of watching dog Lucy swim back to shore before finally shaking herself dry in front of the grandchildren.

Of course, the picture of granddaughters getting into training as young housewives (by doing the washing up) appeals to a side of me that is still unfulfilled: the lazy husband.

It made me feel most affectionate.  Wish I could rent grandchildren - perhaps by the day. Ten years ago the BBC reported on renting grannies by the day in Germany, and in Illinois you can still Rent-A-Grandma - $65 for half a day. 

Now, there's the germ of a business idea for older boaters.

Jubilee Greenway needs a canalside spotty run

Londoneer Diamond Geezer writes about the Jubilee Greenway route - a new walking path to be opened in time for the 2012 London Olympics.
The 'Jubilee Greenway' includes a section of the Regent's Canal from Little Venice to Victoria Park.

Am I alone in being astonished that the Jubilee Greenway includes so little of the real London and is unashamedly a way of plugging the Olympics?  The only bit of Sarf Lunnun is a run along the river from the Thames barrier, and there's nuffink of West London.

What we really need is a London waterways route for Olympics visitors.  And it won't only include the Regent's Canal, but ought to include a 'spotty marathon'. 

By spotty, I mean 26 miles 385 yards of non-contiguous canal towpath. 

I used to do 'spotty' runs a lot when I lived in London.  I would choose sections to run along and then nip aboard public transport, all hot and sweaty, in between.

For a simple canal marathon how about (sez Canalplan) from Mill Road Bridge at Uxbridge to Old Ford Lock, which is exactly 26 miles.  This will give you 385 yards to sprint to the nearby Olympic Stadium. 

(Map of the exact location here)

But you might like to start nearer London, and add in a few spotty bits to include the old Croydon Canal.

Rosie and Muhammad

I don't suppose I'm the only person to feel outrage at hearing about the lady in Sudan 'convicted of blasphemy' by 'allowing a teddy bear to be named Muhammed'. 

Granny's onboard Rosie and Jim are now hereby known as Aisha and the Prophet Mohammed, at least until she's free.  And probably for a long time after I cool down. 

I'm now thumbing through my old dog-eared copy of The History of Islam to find apposite names for my as-yet-unnamed teddy bear and The Tiger Formerly Known As Kuppie Tickles, just in case this story has legs.

Suggestions for the teddy's new name appreciated.

Finding Neverland on the canals

Good luck to the young lady who blogs as Through My Eyes Only and has been looking forward to living afloat for many months. I've been reading for a while and wondering when she'd finally take that dramatic triple-axel leap off the bank and onto a boat. 

Well, last week she smothered a startled RoyScot Larch marine mortgage manager with kisses, took possession of a narrowboat from Whilton Marina, and set off on Saturday, bound for a mooring near London.

Sensibly she'd joined River Canal Rescue before she started out, because the very next morning the engine broke down.  As she writes:

Really can't praise RCR highly enough - it was Sunday morning, we were relatively in the middle of nowhere (Grand Union Canal between bridges 42 and 43 with fields on either side as far as the eye could see), and they showed up promptly, fixed our troubled engine and set us back on course - all within 4h of the breakdown! AND had the grace not to laugh at us (too much) :).

... He checked the rest of the engine as well, and also replaced the fan belt which was a little loose.

I heart RCR!

[Now that's what I call a good customer testimonial.  It reminds me that I really must renew my own membership.  I was one of the founder-members of RCR in 2001 and I've had several occasions to bless them, but each year I keep forgetting to renew in time.]

After only four days and quite a few bumps and dents learning how to boat, she's reached Soulbury Locks, and already has useful tips for other boaters, e.g:

Final word for tonight - Taybrite coal is far better than Pureheat!  Even my radiators are warm, and I was really not convinced by the backboiler previously.

This sort of information might be delivered throwaway, but it can be very useful.  Like the RCR testimonial above, it's handy for other boaters to know.   

She's going to live aboard with her companion Dino, who despite his saturnine Italian name looks a bit like Sarah Jessica Parker, don't you think?  I'm a sucker for blondes.

When she gets round to renaming the boat, it'll be called Neverland.  That's an optimistic name.  In Peter Pan, the point of Neverland was that either you never grow old or you never grow up. 

What I love about being on the canals is that you never grow to care either way.

Waterbuoy is for girlies

Andy on Khayamanzi enthuses about the Waterbuoy.  He can't wait to get his fingers on one.

Water-buoy (not sure if it's one word or two) is a device that you attach to whatever you fear you might drop in the water.  Keys, mostly, I guess. Upon immersion, it blows up into a balloon, which then floats to the surface, hopefully carrying your doodad with it.  And a little light inside the balloon flashes for 24 hours so's you can't miss it in the dark.  Neat idea.

I can't see it working on the canals for two three four five reasons:

1. It only lifts '1kg'. As you probably already know, as far as Granny's concerned, '1kg' isn't a measure of anything, so that's not much of a claim.
2. It claims to lift 'radios' and 'gps units'.  I mean, aw, come on!  How many of us on the canals carry submersible radios or GPS units?
3. It's a nuisance, having it having dangling onto something all the time.  Except as a keyring. You expect something extra on a keyring. 
4. It's not reusable once it's been triggered.  So you pay over fifteen quid for the pleasure of dropping your keys into the canal.
5. £15.50 (inc p&p) is over twice the price of a steel windlass, so it's cheaper to buy a new windlass.  In eight years, I've dropped my windlass into locks twice, and both times I've recovered it with the Sea Searcher magnet.  I've still got my Sea Searcher.

So what can I say about Water Buoy that's positive? 

1. Well, it's 'as seen on Dragon's Den', which I'm told is a great TV programme. 
2. It flashes.  It would be good fun to throw one into the marina canal basin on a boozy party night for a bit of colour.  Same price as a bottle of champagne.  Let's face it, those fussy guests will have to settle for cider anyway , because you just threw away their champagne.
3. It's probably really good for yacht marinas, and large expanses of water, particularly on rivers.  It might be ideal for expensive tools when you are working on bridges over rivers and the item/balloon will be swept downstream - you could still have a chance of tracking it, especially in the dark.
4. Andy of Khayamanzi likes the idea.  A recommendation from a blogger will go a long way with any product.  In fact they (Waterbuoy) should follow Andy's lead and replace their present uninformative flash-based website with a simple blog-based one, full of testimonials from happy customers, allowing comments and giving links and contact info.

As you can perhaps tell, I'm still sore from my canal wifi idea being ignored by Dominic Killinger, a previous Dragon's Den winner.

Wetherspoon's wi-fi woes no more

Hooray. 

Caterer & Hotelkeeper reports that pub chain J.D. Wetherspoon is going to offer free wi-fi from next Monday, Dec 3rd.

Earlier, Regent Inns, who own Aussie bar chain Walkabout, also opened up wifi to all-comers. 

Both of them have branches on the Broad St Bridge in Birmingham, alongside Gas St Basin, at the heart of the canal network.  And there are various others spots on the canals where there's a Wetherspoon - e.g. Merry Hill, where I was last New Year's Eve (photographing an irate Wetherspoon manager).   McDonald's is also giving free wifi now.

Hopefully we'll see a point where all boatyards, basins and other canalside businesses consider it natural to give free wifi, the way they don't charge for toilets either. 

It's getting there gradually, often privately - The Plough Inn at Huddlesford, for example, where I took the photo here of my lunch and my computer. 

But most marinas still think that it's a good idea to charge for wifi, which is very shortsighted of them.

Roads and bridges are mostly free now.  Why shouldn't the internet be free too, like the roads? The moneyspinner is the opportunity for advertising and promotions on the login screen, for instance from nearby shops.

Connecting 2 the Black Country Urban Park

I've received two press releases this month from Chris Stanley of British Waterways' South East.  He is nakedly partisan, linking BW to the Connect2 bid for The People's Socialist Millions mainly because of a small contribution to the canal around Banbury.

Says the press release: 

Connect2: A Slice of £50m Lottery Cake For Banbury Canal Links:

"...everyone is encouraged to get online to support Sustrans’ Connect2, and transform walking and cycling in our region."

Yet I've heard nothing from the BW's West Midlands region.  This region must surely have a greater interest in the Black Country Urban Park, because the BCN waterways will benefit far more from a BCUP win.

I see five possible reasons for this:

1. BW West Midlands are split on this issue, with a section of them supporting Connect2 and not wanting to annoy the cycling lobby. 
2. There's an official BW national decision to support Connect2, and they've told the BW West Midland region not to get involved.
3. BW West Midland's Fazeley office is simply slow off the mark.
4. BW West Midlands are too busy promoting the upcoming Canal Boat Light Parade.
5. A.N.Other reason I'm too myopic to spot.

The IWA put out a more even-handed press release, recommending support for either of them but agreeing that the Black Country bid will do more for the canals.   Indeed, IWA spokesman Jo Gilbertson's point about Connect2's contribution to boaters is positively damning-with-faint-praise:

There is little direct improvement for the waterways although a series of improvements to the towing path and a new bridge over the canal at Banbury is planned, which will encourage more cyclists - and hopefully walkers - to use the towing path [sic] as a thoroughfare.

For evenhandedness, see also:

Eden Project: The Edge

Sherwood, the living legend

Narrowboat Dover DVD

Steve comments:

I've tried everywhere to buy the Dover series on DVD to no success.  Could you please point me to an outlet where I could obtain a few copies?

I guess he asked me because my post Narrowboat Dover gets a TV makeover from two years ago is still No. 1 in Google for 'narrowboat Dover'.

No. 2 (I'm always embarrassed to type that phrase!) is i2i Television, the company that actually made the programme.  Their video store is here, and they list it as being available, but I can see Steve's problem - it isn't that easy to find and I can't link to it directly (please can online stores have a direct link for a product?). 

At nearly 4 hours for £20 it's good value, although they don't say if that includes p&p and you won't find out until you enter all your details - don't you hate that?

However, there were two series.  The first was Narrowboat.  The second was Narrowboat Afloat.  I'm not sure whether the DVD includes both series or not.  Phone i2i on 01684 541 885 to check.

Crew not rescued after boat runs aground

Crew rescued after boat runs aground - Bath Chronicle

After the unfortunate stories of the sunken narrowboats on Severn last week, I was interested to learn about the boat that got stranded when the Avon near Bath briefly ran dry last month.

A canal boat was left stranded when the water level suddenly plummeted on the River Avon in Bath.  Firefighters had to rescue the crew after the boat ran aground on mud at Weston Cut [Google Maps link] on Sunday afternoon.

Environment Agency spokesman Paul Gainey said the problem had been caused by a technical malfunction on one of the devices that triggers the opening and closing of the river gates.

..."By 6pm we had refloated the narrow boat and the crew were back on board by 7pm, with normal water levels restored by 10pm."

Nothing disastrous here, and it must have been, on reflection, an exciting and even amusing experience for the boaters.

But what's most interesting is that the boater pictured was quick to comment on - and correct - inaccuracies in the story.   

The Severn boaters will have no such opportunities.  A few other newspapers allow direct comments too - most notably the Manchester Evening News.

Nokia N95 - get lost

Sarah on Warrior has just got a Nokia N95 mobile phone and she's 'besotted' with it.

Sarah, well, don't rely on the GPS navigation, that's all I can say.  I've got an N95, and it's been a disappointment to me, not least for its GPS.  This has a battery life of about an hour, and in rural areas it can get you lost, then take you all around the houses to return from where you set off.

Here are some map snapshots of the out-of-the-way places it's taken me.  In each case, I'm not joking, it cussedly avoids the straight route, and in one case (No.2) actually wanting me to drive away from the direction I wanted, cross a t-junction instead of turning left, and then going right round the neighbourhood and returning to exactly the place I set off, before going on my way again.   

The Derby Canal Arm

Strong-arm tactics used to solve canal scheme problem - Derby Evening Telegraph

There's a £150,000 grant to recruit a 'project manager' for the Derby & Sandiacre Canal Trust.   £60,000 is coming from the Trust, with the balance from the DDEP.

That works out to £60k/pa, but the story is probably misleading and it's perhaps not just to pay a salary.  Does 'project manager' equates to 'engineer' in old canalspeak?  In that case, the new appointee could claim be following in the illustrious footsteps of Benjamin Outram (history of the old Derby Canal here).

The headline is a bad pun.  The 'strong-arm' refers to the bizarre Derby Arm boat lift designed by Alec Dodd, which has been mooted for a couple of years.  What a superb folly it would be - a real counterbalance to the Falkirk Wheel and Anderton Boat Lift.

Alec Dodd estimates R&D costs at £50k and construction costs of possibly 6-10M, perhaps one-sixth of the total restoration.  It's not the cheapest way of bridging the river, but it's a grand talking-point, and any qualified engineer will be worth far more than £60k p.a.

The only problem I see is that the blue sky is impossibly optimistic. Perhaps it's a metaphor for the project.

I wonder if they will mention this project at the official launch of the nearby Mercia Marina on Dec 6th.  It would make a wonderful sideshow to the meeting, since the new marina would be the closest to this site.

People's 50 Million towpath users

The Peak Forest Canal towpath near Marple, 17th Nov 2007

A couple of weeks ago I hadn't even heard of this Peoples 50 Million business.  But like an old man at a funeral I now can't stop thinking about it.

Voting begins today.

I browsed all four of the options on the official website yesterday, and found it hard to understand what any of them were offering.  No maps, no clear outlines.  Just four embarrassingly vague, waffly 'star' videos.  And the associated 'summaries' weren't informative.

Phoenixx and missing dogs

Back in March 2004 Mike Watson of NB Phoenixx became only the 3rd, 4th or 5th canal blogger, depending on how you measure it.  I met him a few months later near Milton Keynes.

He'd also put up a whole other website, a memorial to his brother who'd had a boat called Phoenix (one X), a Springer narrowboat as I recall, complete with years of detailed cruising logs.

When I met him late in 2004 he seemed a loner to me, quite respectable, living with a couple of large dogs named Tyler and Diesel.

Yesterday I had a call from his sister-in-law, who said she'd heard he'd died, and did I know if that was true.  Gulp, well, I hadn't heard, but how do you answer that over the phone to a stranger?

Anyway, I spoke to her later, and she said that, she'd now heard he was found dead in early September (cause unexplained) alone on his boat in Milton Keynes. 

She didn't say much about Mike, but she was worried about the dogs. They've not been seen since, the dogs.  Anyone heard of two large mongrels, answering to Tyler and Diesel?

Sorry to see that www.phoenixx.com has gone offline.  When you find me dead, please do preserve www.grannybuttons.com.  There, I've said it.